I write a lot about Jam's dyspraxia and SPD because that's where my mind always is. And, honestly, I don't spend much time thinking about them in regards to myself. Probably because I've been living with them for so long now that I've developed my own coping strategies, workarounds and compensations over the years.
My own diagnosis is technically informal. After coming across dyspraxia (or, Developmental Coordination Disorder) in my research for Jam, it was so immediately obvious they were talking about me, about every phase of my childhood. I talked at length to Jam's occupational therapist and my own doctor and it was agreed that going through the hoops and expense of testing to get a formal diagnosis would be a waste of time and money unless I wanted to do therapies or get accommodations, which I don't.
I think there are lots of folks in this boat- people who have no idea about their own condition until their child gets diagnosed and the proverbial light bulb clicks on. Do I feel it's worth it to have the label but not the diagnosis? Yes- it's relieved me of many things I grew up feeling were wrong with me. It is an explanation for why things have always seemed harder for me to do than most others. Why some things take longer for me to learn. For why I get so overwhelmed in crowds and chaos. For why I always feel so self-conscious. For why I always get lost. For why I hate last-minute changes in plans. And why I have really ridiculous memory issues.
I would characterize my current level of dyspraxia and SPD as mild in its effect on everyday life. Not everyone in the world has motor and coordination issues, but many have sensory likes and dislikes. It's not Sensory Processing Disorder until it actually interferes with daily living. When I was younger it did and now that I'm older it doesn't. As much. I eventually learned to ride a bike, know my left from right, drive a car, and tolerate water on my face.
I just came to all that stuff really, really late compared to everybody else. Unfortunately, the toll on self-esteem and confidence was pretty big, resulting in high anxiety and compulsive behavior. I feel I have those things pretty much under control now except in times of high-stress. Which is why I go to great lengths to live as low-stress as possible.
These are some of the ways dyspraxia and SPD still affect me:
* I bruise myself daily because I somehow can't make it around furniture or through doorways successfully. Which is why we adhere to the 'minimalist' style of decor.
* I stay especially mindful when handling glass. Because I drop a lot of stuff. A lot of times a day.
* I still have no clue how far away 30 feet is or how tall anyone is.
* I'm so verbally inarticulate, it's crazy. Everything just gets jumbled up. So I try not to talk.
* I still haven't managed to increase my workout weights above 5 pounds. Damn you, hypotonia!
* Once I exit off the I-5 North freeway, I suddenly don't know where 'north' is.
* I can remember 2.5 steps in a list of instructions. If you want me to do something involving three steps, you best write it down.
* My hand still cramps if I have to handwrite more than a paragraph. Thank the gods for computers!
* If you want me to learn something new, you can't just show or tell me how to do it. You have to relay step-by-step instructions as I'm actually do it. And then I have to immediately do it again by myself. This is time-consuming.
* It takes a lot for me to energize and get going. So I try not to stop because it's just so hard to get up and going again.
* What I thought was five minutes passing... was actually fifteen.
* I still bite my nails when I write. It helps to draw out the tangle of thoughts. Which means I'm biting them right now.
See- that could all be a lot worse! =)
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